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Mind Over Matter

Title: Mind Over Matter
Pairings: Ian Hecox/Anthony Padilpa
Rating/Warnings: Slight smut, angst
Summary: It's a cool October day when Anthony comes into Ian's apartment crying because he and his girlfriend broke up.

Author's Notes: Enjoy the fic!
Previous Chapters: None



Ten years isn't a long time. As far as Ian is concerned, even seventeen years aren't. Seventeen years of friendship and ten years of a business that was built on that friendship, makes him feel like just yesterday he was sitting in Anthony's bedroom, playing with their crappy webcam.

Ian doesn't know what he would do without Anthony, he loves that man. Honest to goodness, he loves him. It's August though, and Anthony has a girlfriend. She's everything Ian's isn't. Blond, pretty, vegan, and she can cook; Ian doesn't blame Anthony for falling in love with her.

The most scary thought Ian gets sometimes is that they might not have even continued their friendship past their teenage years if it weren't for that cringe-worthy video.

Ian considers himself lucky, even if he can't have the one thing he truly wants, he has enough.

-.-.-.-

He hasn't always been so pessimistic.

There was a time when Ian used to adore his life and used to take pride in the jealousy he received from others. Not anymore. It's become painfully tedious for him, how could it not be when he spends everyday with the man he's hopelessly fallen in love with? The same man who has a girlfriend, who shares a business with him, who is his "best-friend".

He has just honestly been hating his life since December 2014.

-.-.-.-

It's the time of year in which everyone should be joyful.

The time of year when Christmas cheer is radiating off of his peers and pretty much everyone he knows. Anthony, the only constant in Ian's life, isn't happy. It's the first Christmas he's spending without his girlfriend (or ex-fiancé), and it's deeply affecting him.

He doesn't miss her, hell he's glad as fuck they broke up. No, he's just lonely. Living in an apartment in downtown Los Angeles is a lonely existence, one he never thought he'd be forced to participate in.

In a way, he does miss her though. He misses her waking him up with a kiss, a nice vegan smoothie, and he misses how she made him felt. Then, there are the things he doesn't miss. The way she was always initiating arguments with him, and her subtly selfish ways. He considers it an amazing feat, how he was able to stay on such a dysfunctional relationship for four years. They were two perfectionists.

And two perfectionists don't always make a perfect relationship.

He doesn't need a lot of money, he doesn't have to play any games with one-night stands, all he needs is someone's love or companionship to get the blood rushing through his veins.

-.-.-.-

Ian, wants to help.

He's wanted to help since early November when Anthony called him crying about how he and Kalel broke up. That's why he's decided to visit Anthony tonight. It's Christmas eve and a soft rain is falling as Ian calmly strolls to Anthony's apartment. He's carrying presents and some vegan eggnog in a bag, and he prays that hopefully Anthony will have rum so they can loosen up tonight.

Ian isn't hoping they'll get slightly tipsy. No, he wants to be full on shit-faced. After all, he has had his own break up recently as well. Anthony isn't the only one who's hurting (although Ian's was a few months back). They were together for seven years, and although that isn't a long time in Ian's book, he figures it was enough to leave him slightly resentful.

He and Mel are still great friends, don't get him wrong, but he still feels like if it weren't for her they'd be together. She was the one who ended it. Her words never made him feel guilt or regret, she threw meaningless reasons for ending the relationship at him, all of which didn't leave him with a bad taste.

He knows they were all true. She claimed she had waited too long for him to propose, and that she wasn't getting any younger (and neither was he). But she didn't understand that he wasn't ready. He didn't want to get married to her, he'd thought about it a couple of times, but something was holding him back.

It's only been one year later and Ian has figured out what was.

-.-.-.-

It's pouring by the time he reaches Anthony's building and Ian is soaking wet. 2014 has never ceased to surprise him, but this certainly takes the cake. A downpour like this in Southern California, especially during a drought? It was a Christmas miracle. Though it seems more like an inconvenience right now, he finds it in his heart to appreciate the slight humidity the rain is bringing.

Just then, a car races by him, and suddenly he's drenched.

"Fuck... I hope the present is okay.." He mutters, ducking under the building's large awning, away from the sidewalk and it's pesky dangers, before heading inside. In no time, he's walking into Anthony's apartment, unannounced since he now has his own key, and he's hanging up his coat.

Dropping his keys on Anthony's entryway table, Ian pads into the apartment only to find Anthony sprawled out on his couch, already drunk as fuck. "Iannn.." He slurs, standing up and stumbling over to Ian, promptly grasping his shoulders and pulling him over to the couch.

"I see you started the party without me." Ian chuckles, plopping next to Anthony and throwing his present under Anthony's sparsely decorated tree. "Ian.. I'm lonely and I mis her..." Anthony groans, slumping forward and placing his head in his hands. "It's okay, you both are happier now." Ian murmurs, rubbing small circles on Anthony's back.

He groans appreciably at the touch, softly pushing himself into Ian's hand. They were both silent for a moment, only the sounds of Anthony's small intakes of breath could he heard. "It's been so long too... since someone's even touched me in a caring way." Anthony murmurs, his voice as soft and quiet as the wind.

"I just wish someone loved me."

At this revelation, Anthony looks up Ian with a sort of longing in his eyes and suddenly Ian is overcome by a need to be the one who could fix Anthony. It's selfish though, Anthony is drunk and Ian is not. Ian hasn't been touched in a while either, and he isn't gay but fuck-- Anthony looks sexy when he's all sprawled out. He wants to help both of them. He can fix Anthony, he can make him better.

He could make him feel loved.

Leaning towards each other, their breaths mingling, the feeling of Anthony softly cupping Ian's cheek and the feel of his lips slowly brushing against his-- it was so intoxicating. Their lips moving languidly, yet with plenty of ardor-- the feeling Ian would later describe as unbearable.

Anthony slightly tips Ian back a bit, just enough so that he's resting against the couch cushions as Anthony slips his other arm around Ian's waist. His eyes flutter slightly as Anthony grips his hip tightly, his fingers pressing into the soft flesh that is unconcealed by Ian's shirt. Slowly, Anthony leans on top of Ian just a bit more, and then their crotches are pressed together.

Nipping his bottom lip, Anthony slips his tongue into Ian's mouth, sweeping the cavern so gently that Ian feels like his skin is slowly dripping with warmth. He feels like he is ice and that Anthony is the magma that is slowly heating him up and melting him into the ocean. Ian's eyes have always reminded himself of the Pacific Ocean on a warm summer day, and now he's being used as a metaphor for turning into it. He thinks to much, he should just be focused on Anthony's soft ministrations.

Threading his hands through Anthony's hair, Ian grips the strands tightly and pulls on them. A reaction was not expected, but suddenly Anthony is letting out a low groan and grinding himself onto Ian.

No one has ever treated him like this. Anthony's going so slow, yet at the same time he's pleasuring Ian with his mouth through their heady kisses and with his slow thrusts against Ian's groin. Anthony tastes like strawberries and old chocolates, but to Ian-- it's heaven. Want is coursing through his veins, pulsing throughout his body, but in the end it all has only one destination.

And Ian is sure Anthony will feel it in a minute.

After a while Ian is tired from Anthony's slow pace. He wants him-- and he wants him now. With a strength that surprises even himself, Ian flips Anthony over so Ian is the one straddling him. With slow quick thrusts, Ian grinds himself onto Anthony and tries (but fails) to stifle his moans. It doesn't seem as if Anthony is unaffected by the noises Ian is making; in fact, he's bucking his hips with him and groaning with abandon.

"I-Ian!" He groans, suddenly reaching up to cup Ian's face and clash their lips together. Their tongues are intertwined and Ian felt like his entire face and body was on fire. Anthony flips them back over without warning and he slams his lips back onto Ian's, not even taking the time to breathe."Can I fuck you, Ian? Oh god, I wanna fuck you so bad.." Anthony growls, biting Ian's lip harshly. And suddenly, Ian is a puddle beneath Anthony, warm and moving. He nods his head dumbly, and Anthony makes sure both of their pants are off immediately.

He considers this the first time he truly realised how much he'd already been melting over the years.

-.-.-.-

The morning after isn't awkward. It's not awkward because Ian wakes up in his own apartment on his own bed, fully clothed. If it weren't for the hickeys that littered his neck and the pain in his ass, he would've thought that the previous night was a dream. The question on his mind now was: how did he get here?

Did Anthony wake up, dress him, and then drop him off? Why would he do that? Why go to all that trouble?

It's weird, this isn't how this morning was supposed to go. Ian hasn't read many fanfics, but in the ones he has, whenever he and Anthony have sex they always wake up the next morning with hangovers and awkwardness. Anthony may have a hangover, but where was the awkwardness?

As Ian collapses onto his bed again he has only one thought: the next time he saw Anthony would be extremely awkward. It's not exactly an emotion he wants to feel, but he knows it's necessary they talk.

-.-.-.-

They have to shoot today, and Ian is expecting to see Anthony with a hand behind his neck and an awkward smile. Awkward was the word he'd been using most lately, but that was just because he felt awkward all the time now. When he was in the shower, looking at himself naked (the bruises still haven't faded). And the most memorable time, when he was jerking off with two fingers up his ass, thinking of Anthony's 'you-know-what' inside of him.

He was really expecting a shitty excuse and how they should be stay friends and not let this get between them. So he's shell-shocked when he walks into the office and Anthony hugs him without any pretense.

Anthony is pretending as if it didn't happen. Ian can tell. He's acting like this isn't changing anything, like he and Ian are fuckbuddies or something who do this all the time. As if he didn't beg to pound into Ian's ass.

What kind of person, what kind of best-friend, can pretend like that? He knows they're both actors but he feels personally offended. Then there's also that piece of him which feels like crying because he has come to partly admit that he has more than friendly feelings for his best-friend. "Hey Ian! How was your weekend?" Anthony asks, a bright smile on his face.

But Ian can see the uncertainty and fear in his eyes, he can see how Anthony's really feeling. "It was great! Really amazing." Anthony's countenance betrays him for a second and he looks confused, but he quickly recovers. "Cool! So.. um-- let's get ready to run our lines, I guess." Anthony smiles sheepishly, grabbing Ian's hand and dragging him to the back of the set. Since Anthony's going at such a harshly fast pace (harsh for his ass at least) Ian grunts in pain.

He still shouldn't be hurting, but he's been doing lots of 'things' since their incident.

Anthony hears the noise and his eyes flicker over to Ian's fearfully, the way he was acting-- you'd think a squirrel was in his pants, he was so jumpy. "Are you... okay?" He asks carefully, stopping in their tracks so he can fully face Ian. "I'm fine. Actually, I'm really great right now!" Ian chuckles, mock happiness dripping from his voice. Anthony looks really puzzled now, like he can't understand how Ian is so cheery at a time like this. But if Anthony wanted to pretend nothing had happened, Ian was going to do the same.

If this is how Anthony wants to play it, Ian is going to give him one hell of a game.

-.-.-.-

Months pass.

They never talk about what had happened between the two that Christmas Eve, in fact Ian forgets about it for a while. He forgets about it until Anthony meets up with him in June, and wants to talk all about his new girlfriend.

She's a lovely girl, really she is. In fact, Ian had been the one to introduce Anthony to her. So in hindsight, it was all his fault that he now felt like a piece of his heart had been torn out. These feelings that were more than friendly for Anthony were not new, he'd had them many times before. But they always came in short bursts.

Always.

Not this time, Ian knows it's going to be different this time. He never hated Kalel, he always considered her a great friend, even though there were times when he envied her place. He hates Anthony's new girlfriend. He literally despises her entire existence. The night after Anthony explained he really liked her, Ian found himself crying and huddled on his bed. Because she had taken what was going to be his.

That's why he knew this time would be so much more different.

-.-.-.-

Last fall had so much hope. Ian was so happy, so excited. Their entire fanbase was, their was hope for Ian and Anthony. He can literally name hundreds of fan's who were sad, yet deep down were so excited. People thought that if both of them were single, then both of them could fall in love with each other. A rocky philosophy, but an avid one.

Why did this fall have to be so much different? Why did Ian have to live with a silent depression?

Why did he have to watch her take away the only constant in his life?

He wonders if he can win, if he can beat this girl who seems to have everything Ian doesn't. He feels pathetic, is he really thinking of trying to destroy his best-friend's happy relationship? He wants Anthony to be happy, everyone does. So why does he feel like this girl is the bane of his love-life?

He knows he needs to give Anthony up, so why does it hurt so bad when he tries?

-.-.-.-

It's a cool October day when Anthony comes into Ian's apartment crying because he and his girlfriend broke up.

The leaves are falling off the trees in everywhere but Los Angeles when Anthony explains how she made him choose, either smosh or her.

Ian's coffee machine is steaming with a freshly brewed pot when Anthony explains how he chose Ian over her.

Ian's broken coffee cup is lying on the floor, shards everywhere, when Anthony tells Ian he loves him.

Ian's trying to clean up his mess when Anthony leans down and captures Ian's lips with his own.

Ian's cheeks are stained with tears when he explains to Anthony how he's been pinning after him for months.

The moon is high in the sky when Anthony makes love to Ian. Both of them crying out into the night, Ian's love for Anthony finally intertwining with Anthony's love for Ian.

It's a beautiful sunny morning when Ian wakes up Anthony's arms and feels his day-old-stubble slightly scratching his cheek.

It's the first of October when Ian starts to love his life again.

-.-.-.-

It's amazing how two people can tiptoe around each other for ten years without spilling the beans on a love both had thought was unrequited by the other. Ian is the happiest he's been in such a long time, and he knows almost everyone who's associated with smosh is as well. All of their friends were ecstatic the two had finally gotten together, and even threw them a party.

It was cheesy, but sweet.

-.-.-.-

Ian and Anthony decided to come out in December, they thought of it as the fandom's Christmas present. Considering their whole mess had started on Christmas Eve, Ian thought it was best they release the video then.

The fans went crazy, and they hardly received any hate.

Everyone is so ecstatic that Ian thinks he's been living in a dream world. Their relationship might have been a bit rocky when it started, and Ian knows they have a long way to go before they're ready for forever, but he knows they'll be okay. It's amazing how two people can fall in love so easily, yet stay apart for so long.

Not that Ian thinks ten months is a long time. Though to him, it definitely felt longer than ten years had.

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